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That class syllabus was just in my hand..

9:32:00 PM DC Daddy's Wine Time 0 Comments Category :

I was walking in circles around a cluttered room in what I was increasingly becoming aware of as a class room. I seemed to be dodging chairs and desks while looking for some piece of paper that had pertinent information on it. That pertinent information was two questions. I don’t remember them now, but were to be on a philosophy final. What I do remember is that they had little or nothing to do with philosophy. They had more to do with these ridiculous survey questions we used to write papers in religion class. The religion class I had my junior year in highschool.

My sense of the situation, despite the facts, was that it was for a philosophy final. I’m pretty sure the final was to be one of those 10-12 pagers we had do every other week in college.

It wasn’t enough that I had lost this paper with the two essay questions on it, there was another final that I was supposed to be studying for. It was on the same day the essay question was due. Great.

Anyways, I had lost these essay questions somewhere on the floor, even though they had just been in my hand a moment before. There were papers all over the floor but none of them were the final essay questions. No worries. There were other students studying for all the same finals. Oddly enough we were all actually studying for the same final (I promise if you read to the end, no ghost is going to pop of locker room toilet. Nor will I find myself in a classroom full of dead people).

That we were all studying for the same final was odd, but more odd was that all the other students were people I knew from highschool…

No time to worry about that.. I sat down next to two people I knew and asked them about the essay questions. One tells me the questions. Both of them confirm that they started writing their essays several days ago. And, they’ve been studying for that other test for the same amount of time…

Of course! What else would they tell me? Would they also say that they are doing things at the last minute, therefore making me feel better about being such a lazy student?

Nope. 

My mind is just making this up as it goes along. As it always does.

I’m having another dream about school. Highschool or college it never really matters, it's the same theme, over and over again. Sometimes I go all the way back to junior high.

When I go back that far, I'm usually trying to hide because I don't have pants on. Sometimes I’m naked in a classroom full of people. It doesn’t matter that I came into the classroom with something on. My subconscious always strips it away.

Anyone else have these recurring dreams of being back in school?

For me, I’m always behind. I haven’t done the work throughout the semester and it’s always due the next day. And, if I’m not naked in the beginning- I always seem to become nude right before I awake. 

Basically, I’m always fucked. By my own hand (except for the nudity part), but still… I’ve been out school for years, and you would think that if I’m going to have dreams about being back in school- my subconscious would be a little more kind to me.

Hell- maybe embellish, for the better. Surrounded by pretty people who adore me. Who are happy to do all my work for me. I only need to pay them in smiles.

I seemed to be running into these sorts of no win situations, that were usually brought on by extreme cases of procrastination and laziness, during the semester. A common theme, besides the procrastination, was that I’d never done a lot of the work during my actual college semesters. So that when it came to any final essay, I was always screwed.

I can only imagine that this dream has been brought on by the pressure I’ve put on myself to write this blog (which only I read) along with other bits and pieces. Amidst taking care of the little eating/poop machine and the other general life things, you can totally forget yourself for days on end. Being Mr. Mom isn’t easy and I don’t envy the people who have more than one child. Sometimes there just isn't enough time or energy or (worse) desire..

And, then weeks go before you realize that there is an individual underneath all the new responsibility. 

Well, I always talk about writing, even if it never gets me anywhere, and as a 33 yr old with almost nothing tangible to show for my years as a drifter with six years in Japan, I feel like the pressure is on. There is no definite goal, per se, but there is definitely pressure, and for now this is my outlet. 

I just need to avoid dreams that put me back in highschool or the end of a college semester. Jumping all the way back to junior high is usually the worst. Being naked infront of your peers at that age could destroy your life.    


Well, at least I didn’t lose my pants this time.

Maybe a glass of whiskey is called for this weekend, instead of wine…

Good night, friends.  




  

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